What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We need to rekindle our bromance
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
