we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
