i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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