Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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