"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
