Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
