C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
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