God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
