I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
