Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
