why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
