I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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