I puked a lego.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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