Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
