i just wanna soil my oats bro
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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