god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
