It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
