he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
