what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
