How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
