he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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