apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
