He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
