Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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