those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
