he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
