Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
be right there i have to get my cape
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize