I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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