i don't like sucking hair
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
