i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Duck Duck Cougar?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
