I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
