trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
