Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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