Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
