Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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