how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
