Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
