garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
