I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
