I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
