paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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