im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
