so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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