a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
