Your dad touched me again.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
