Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
