I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
