Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
