Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
