Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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